Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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