I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need a burrito and a hug.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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