I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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