i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
nutella sex= disaster
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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