Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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