just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
