My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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