Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
