Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
