The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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