she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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