ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
