You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
