the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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