so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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