Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
