In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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