This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hippo gnu deer
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
