You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
