i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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