i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I bet he comes in French.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize