drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
