I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
