I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
