I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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