I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
