think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
