Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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