I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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