you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
