i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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