Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
