He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
