Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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