Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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