I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
