Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
