thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
