Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
