I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
