i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize