Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
