hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
