You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
