I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
