I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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