I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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