Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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