honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
