I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
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