One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
