My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize