dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
