So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
