thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
