its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
