i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
