I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
