We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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