My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
