He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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