is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
