We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
