Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
