Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
