he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
