You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
