he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
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Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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