Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
