Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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