Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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