Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
